I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize