dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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