I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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