I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize