You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
