She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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