We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
