i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
