Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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