Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize