She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize