Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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