I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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