covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
