We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
