Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
