what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
