if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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