YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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