I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i've created a new STD.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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