There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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