My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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