FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
