this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
