He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
