at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
