Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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