Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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