Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
