yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
