I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
