I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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