I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
