All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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