Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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