tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So much Jack, so little girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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