there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
