If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
