you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
