miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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