You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
