im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
