Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
