I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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