he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
