you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my poor anus
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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