that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have post one night stand depression
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
