So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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