So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i out mim tonsoeep
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