Pappa wants mamma naked
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
