In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
