she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do vagina's smell?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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