He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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