dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
