Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
