when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
time to smoke my breakfast
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
