I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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