Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
