He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
