You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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