Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
